My wife signed us up to volunteer for a local independent film festival. I agreed to help since it was an event that wasn't church related. Little did I know that films I would watch over the next couple of years volunteering would expand my worldview and allow some culture in you just don't get in the midwest.
I watched movies that pointed out environmental concerns with plastics and the pollution it causes and also watched movies that addressed the racial tensions in the 60's I began to understand that whites were assholes in the south then. I also watched documentaries about General Butt Naked in Liberia and saw how crazy things still are in Africa to this day.
The second year we were in the venue with all of the glbt films. There was one that showed the aids crisis in San Francisco in the 80's and painfully showed the impact of it in a powerful way. The glaring thing was the church did nothing to reach out to these people. It isn't surprising since the church seems to weigh heavier what it deems sexual sins and overlook greed, gluttony and gossip.
The evangelical bubble I had lived in my whole life became apparent as the prison that it was. White middle class America is such a small blip on the radar screen overall and it was my entire world. When you no longer buy into the propoganda that the government is perfect and voting in the status quo is going to change things you are alone on an island here.
I see why the gnostics had built in their belief system not to reveal all of their beliefs or gnosis to the average joe. At that time it would equal death for them because they saw the world differently than the status quo. Today I guess it would just equal blank stares and people shaking their head as you walk off. Just losing your American rose colored glasses and being able to see us as the rest of the world is difficult.
If only I could give a shit about sports again and fake caring about status. I wonder what it is like not to see through smoke screens and just to be content. My wife and I could sit together and watch American Idol and the Bachelor every night. The entire depth of our conversations could be centered around that horse shit. Then I could join a fantasy football league and numb my intellect further. I could show up to social gatherings and have relevant conversations and have the illusion that I had more friends.
Oh well who needs a bunch of friends anyway.