Alone in a Crowd

I have always been the type that feel alone in a crowd. I would rather have one best friend than 100 casual acquaintances.  This might have been my biggest problem with never fitting in at evangelical churches. Friendships there for the most part are fake and shallow. There is a fear of being too honest because the theology might not be working as a change agent in your life.

I would observe from a distance each Sunday at my old church the interactions in courtyard between services. Lots of chatting but nothing important being discussed, kind of a waste of time for me. The few times I would steer conversations over to something real or interesting to me I got blank stares or ignored.

Even though I was at a church with over 1000 people in the building I might as well have stayed home. It is wierd to see so many people enjoy their time there each week and I just don't get it.

It is almost like you have to be part used car salesman or a corporate climber type to fit in at these churches. After a week of work at the office the last place I want to go to is where more politics were involved.

Toward the end of my time there they did a doubting Thomas class for me and several others. It was the first time I had ever met and discussed real issues in a group while I was there. I tried out all of the atheist arguments I had read on the 2 apologists who lead the group. I knew this was for a limited time and took advantage of the situation to give them some things to think about.  Long term this class would never happen since they hoped their theology would win me over to a fellow koolaid drinker.

Why I tolerated so many annoying people and situations in my life I will never know. I am glad now that I have dealt with them now and have moved on. I hope one of these days I can find a crowd where I am not alone, but I won't hold my breath in the meantime.