Thursday, February 7, 2013

Why do I care?

I see it all around me, people who are content with watching sports or what ever garbage is on tv these days. I for some reason am compelled to analyze things and see how things work. This has helped me learn home repair, auto mechanics and solve problems at work that make things run more efficient.  Two years ago I started to care about theology, anthropology, psychology and sociology.  It was kind of a way my brain forced me to deal with my past in fundamentalist Christianity and find peace finally. It took me being so miserable in life to realize that no change was more painful than uprooting from a church I was associated with for 30 years of my life and leaving.

Think of moving to a different city but worse since you live in the same house but are a stranger in your own town. I actually envy in a way people at my old church that can fit in and not question anything. I often find myself asking why do I care? Why do I feel compelled to read church history and theology as much as a member of the clergy would? The more I read and the more knowledge I have leads to more questions and even deeper digging. It also makes for an awkward fit in most social situations since I dont get pop culture and the people I am interacting with dont get me either. I had a friend stop our conversation once and say "you are just to damn intellectual".

Or consider reading so much that you understand all sides of an arguement but dont really have an opinion yourself. The more I start to understand things the harder it is for me to polarize myself to one side over the other. So all of this introspection leaves me questioning as to why I keep digging. Is it a midlife crisis?  Am I being called to a new vocation? Or am I just coming up with new material to make me more interesting for dinner conversations?

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