Wednesday, February 20, 2013

How to Start an Evangelical Parachurch Ministry

Between my time spent at the old church and listening to bott radio to avoid car commercials when I am commuting to work, I have noticed a trend or pattern that is the basic business model for one of these ministries. Bott radio is an apolgetic radio betwork that partners with ministries affiliated with a southern baptist bend. There is one show in particular where they interview these authors and road warrior ministry hacks that offer captain obvious advice for everything from raising teens to porn addiction.

The one key thing that will put you on the fast track to success in these circles is admitting to having a problem in the past. This is usually safe territory in these circles but still risky if you're willing to drop the mask of perfection and do it. This gets your foot in the door or even on the fast track to evangelical leadership. Now you cant really admit to be currently struggling with anything because that would mean the perfect doctrine of conservative evangelicalism isnt bearing fruit in your life. If you are brave enough to admit trouble with porn in the past, even better because sex sells to this crowd too. It is a constant throughout humanity and the reason we are all here.

Once you step out on a limb and show you're not perfect you need to take a course in Christianese. This is easy adapted vernacular by some but always left a bad taste in my mouth. After that you read secular authors on the subject of your ministry and find a bible verse to back up every point you make yours. For men and women both there is a certain fashion style on must adopt to be credible. Since you are harking captain obvious law to consumerist Amercian Evangelicals you must look the part too. For women its big Texas hair with lots of jewelry and a wardrobe from a high end store like Talbot's. For men I think it gets more ridiculous, first you nees hipster black frame glasses, sideburns, frosted spiky hair for baptists or dark black hair for calvinists. Nothing looks more silly than a 40 something in an Ed Hardy t-shirt and the rest of the previously mentioned wardrobe pieces.

As you can see highlighted above a shallow message gains depth by putting a certain wardrobe on the messengers. No wonder the few real men that are left have no time for any of this. Especially these porn ministries they drag us out to humilitate us to make the women at church feel better. Meantime, I would bet these guys view porn more than men that dont even go to these churches. In my experience shame based attention to a behavior only creates more of the undesired behavior. If only I was more of a sociopath I could quit my day job abd cash in. I would just need to source a fancy captain obcious robe...

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