Here are two scenarios in evangelical circles of women getting the short end of the stick where a pervy pastor or ministry director is involved. The first one I experienced at my old church and the other one is second hand through a friend. I tend to believe the second scenario from my experience with these types and will use it as a comedic opportunity later in the post.
Our church hires the new childrens ministries pastor and when I laid eyes on him I thought he was doughier version of Ed Rooney from Ferris Buellers Day Off. His tenure as pastor didnt effect me much and it wasnt until after he was gone did I hear the full extent of this guys creepiness. My wife told me after the fact because she knew I would have done something about it as a couple other husbands did and actually ended up leaving the church over it. He was a grazer, which means he would conviently brush up against women on their ass or breasts usually. The complaints and angry husbands started meeting with the staff and senior pastors and they sided with this asshole everytime. What finally did him in was he admitted to being attracted to a prominent attorneys wife that he has feelings for her in front of the whole childrens ministry team. No way for the patriarchal sausage commitee to write this claim off. Epic fail from this douche and he went on to another congregation to do the same thing yet again and probably did that at the previous one too.
In the second scenario we have a single friend that attended a marriage retreat put on by her local church a couple of years ago. In the meantime she likes the ministry on facebook and her marriage fails. Just recently the main guy from said ministry start commenting on her posts randomly. At some point he private messages her that he cant stop thinking about her and he wants to become involved with her romantically. She is heart broken by this since he and his wife of course modeled the perfect marriage while they took her conference fee. She responds that he is married and she is disappointed in him. He replies back with some surprise that she doesn't want to be a mistress. Offended she contacts the pastor that brought this schmuck in and he wanted to see screen prints to prove her claim. After she provides the info the pastor tells her she has posted pics on fb recently that caused him to sin or some horseshit similar to that. I am sure this guy got a talking to but since he brings in money and plays the game well, nothing will happen here and the blame for this behavior will fall on my harlot of a single friend.
What is it with conservative evangelical men? They blame women for their own issues and even if a woman does draw your attention it your responsibility as a leader to draw a boundary. Its like they use their ministry as an escort service. There are bad apples in every bunch but this happens far too often to excuse this. Their is a frenzy on shaming men for watching porn and actually you earn extra points if you give a testimony highlighting your struggles. Instead of adresssing an unhealthy outlet only why not address the problem. Most of these guys treat their wives like shit and dont even help around the house. What about getting in your wifes head and showing her you care. You might actually get laid more often and when you do she wont lay there like blow up doll.
The theology all of these guys share in common is laced with expectations of reward for devotion to the belief system. This manifests itself in selfish behavior that bleeds theough into every relationship you have in your personal life. So guess what your kids are a mess your wife is frigid and you are shitting where you eat career wise. A real man makes a difference in his family first and then goes out to help otheres.no mistress is going to solve the void you feel because you are disconnected from your wife and children. The desire to break it off in strange or view porn is sympton of your failure to negotiate you marriage in a way that results in you getting what you need. In these folks eyes all they have to do is pray for forgiveness or tell their accountability partner about it and they are cured until the next time it happens 5 minutes later.
I am tired of this dogshit theology that has taken over American evangelicalism. It may be time for another reformation in the west since there isnt much difference between this theolilogy and the selling of indulgences.
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