I thought I could be friends with people at my old church and it was an even playing field. Guess what, I was totally wrong. I stumbled on a sermon from there last week about the elder board and its responsibilities and highlighted throughout is how the elder board should coordinate all theological thought that the church body takes in.
The creepy thing about all of this is that I see how I am the problem in this equation and am responsible for putting my family on a course for hell for leaving according to them. My whole household gets a pass since they are supposed to submit to me and I am the one who is the problem.
Case in point why I left the cult that is my old church. Who can live with this pressure? I can't and actually think no church is healthier than the shithole that is the old church.
So I wonder if anybody there is/was my friend outside of my participation in that sick environment. I would say no after I read this sermon and am debating cutting off all ties with that place forever.
Nobody in my adult life understands the isolation and loneliness this puts me at but it is better than living a lie. There is hope that one of these days I find some sort of community but now that winter might finally be over I can go out in the garage and disconnect like I always have.