Why I can never go back to my ex-wife, a short list. She apologized recently for hurting me and doing devious things, but for some reason she couldn't tell me what she did when I asked her. So basically, it was a non apology and just fucked with my emotions.

1. She lied to me and cheated for 5 years before I found out.
2. She tried to get me to quit my job and move with her to be closer to her affair partner.
3. She admits to not loving me the last 8 years of our marriage and just using me for financial security.
4. She admits to purposely throughout our marriage acting like she didn't like what I did to make me feel rejected and unloved.
5. She admits to doing the abuse cycle in our relationship the whole time. Idealization, Devalue, Discard. It seemed to be on a 3 month cycle.
6. I felt so alone and abandoned in early 2018, I wanted to die.
7. The 2 times I went back to her and tried to reconcile after filing for divorce she kept talking to her affair partner.
8. The 2 times I went back to her she denied me affection, and nothing changed.
9. Her work life balance sucks and she is never available. I always thought it would get better when the season of life changed, but it just carried over to the new realm.
10. She only apologized when I finally left her for good and hadn't seen her for a few months. The thing is it wasn't sincere at all.
11. Throughout the 27 long years of our relationship, she projected her own self hatred on to me and acted like it was my fault.
12. The marriage was one sided and I always felt tired and unloved.
13. The marriage was going to kill me, through self-harm from drinking or suicide.
14. When the kids found out about the affair she gaslight and denied it. This caused them to carry the burden of knowing before I did.
15. She deliberately with held kissing me for 5 years and never initiated any physical affection.
16. She was unable to fully function as an adult and relied on me to do everything.
17. When I had a crisis of faith and needed her support, she abandoned me and chose to have an affair.
18. The marriage was over in 2009 when I made some changes in my life and quit doing everything her way.
19. She emotionally abused me the entire time and took a sick pleasure in my pain,
20. She told me on the eve of our 20th anniversary that she wouldn't date me if we were single. Then she later gaslit me when I confronted her about how much it hurt me.
21. She accidentally sent her affair partner an "I'm horny" text to our family group text instead. Foolishly, I thought it was for me.
22. When she and my daughter went on a trip to Texas she sent me a random nude pic. Come to find out later, she gave her phone to her cousin to take a picture of them and she saw the photo. She sent it to me to cover her ass as it was for the affair partner.
23. I took her to dinner on Valentines day 2014 after pictures of her in her lingerie showed up accidentally on social media. She never sent the pictures to me and when I confronted her later she lied to me.
24. After repeatedly asking her to fix things between us over the years, she blew me off.
25. She used the guise of having penpals to carry on an affair and abandon me.
26. She controlled me and I lost my social network and all of my friends.
27. Whenever I needed her help she was unavailable. She would take a shower to avoid moving something.
28. She never took the time to know me. All conversations were about her and there was no time for me.
29.I could never rest on evenings and weekends with her. We always had to be doing something or I would escape to get away from her.
30.Vacations were exhausting and I did all of the driving. One time when I wanted to take a nap she woke me up and made me meet with her relatives after telling me I was on vacation and could do whatever I want.
31. She was very controlling and I never had a voice in the relationship.



I know I did all I could to save our marriage and she was the problem. Sure, I wasn't perfect and acted poorly at times after repeated mistreatment. I can never go back to that and am fearful for any one who gets tangled in that womans web. Good riddance to her.