The Apology

The second try at reconciliation wasn't working and I walked back in April. I kept my boundaries strong, life is good and I am moving on. In mid September she tells me she has something she wants to tell me that just won't work over text. After a couple of weeks, I cave and talk to her. She offers what I feel, is a non apology. She says something like " I know I acted terribly and hurt you. I am sorry." I got mad at her and we argued for over an hour rehashing the past. When I cooled off for a moment, I asked her "What exactly did you do to me?" she said she had some ideas but forgot.

During the conversation, she told me she was going to therapy, growing and working on herself. For an instant, the hope came back that she might be finally the person I always thought she had the potential to be. So some sadness came over me for a split second that I had walked away for good knowing change wasn't possible and I was done with her. Now maybe I was too harsh, but I know this was all a scheme to try to get me to come back.

Not seeing her for a while was the best thing I could do to get some perspective as I could see her trying to manipulate me with false hope. Just like she did when she lured me back the second time. I felt angry, misunderstood, gaslit and back to where I was in April after 2 hours of talking to her.

I know what started all of this was me telling her I was moving on with someone else. I felt I owed it to her to be honest about my future plans since she was a part of my life for 27 years. She wanted me to be single for a year or 6 months and get to like myself again and come back to her. What a crazy delusion she is under, as she was so awful to me for all of our marriage, especially the last 7 years.

My guess is the consequences of her actions are finally catching up with her now that she is 100% on her own now. She wants the old life back where I was trapped with her and she could treat me as poorly as she pleased. I was expected to bring my A game as a husband while she did nothing but alienate me from affection and cheat on me. How she can think I would wait another year for her is just crazy and delusional. The old me might have, but fuck her for being that arrogant and thinking she is worth that.

So the call took me back there and it took me a couple of days to process and calm back down. Lesson learned and I saw how miserable she made me when I saw her every day. No wonder I hated life and was stressed out when a 2 hour call made me this upset.

Back to my new life I went and was amazed at how easy it is. I am validated, loved and understood. Also, reality is on the same timeline with the new partner and I don't feel gaslit. Boundaries up going forward and this blog post will remain a reminder to do so.