Yesterday a picture came up on my feed with my ex-wife in it. I had unfollowed her on Facebook and didn't want to see her posts any more. This post was with her at a brewery we were at with cowboy and was seemingly harmless at first glance. Then I remembered the time and place it was in. She was in the midst of the affair and this was one day she hung out with me in 4 years that was exceptional only for that reason. There was no connection that I was longing for, and I took whatever scraps she offered me at the time. The grief kicks in as I have it so much better now and I know how short changed I was at the time. She was never a good partner and was using me for financial security, but back then I thought it would have been a great day.
The insidious part of emotional abuse is just this, your expectations are managed down to the point you accept literally nothing while giving everything. Its a wonder I survived and got out but I still grieve the loss of the marriage. This seems crazy as I empirically know I was abused emotionally and she never loved me. Maybe I am mad at myself for still caring and feeling the loss. Or am I pissed that I wasted so much time hoping things would change.
So yeah, facebook memories suck for those who have left an abuser.
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