We had grown apart over the last 2 years. The home daycare and the church change were very stressful on our marriage. Actually, we joined a gym and started working out together. I was feeling really good about the state of our marriage as we were close again. Then one night a week before our 20th anniversary, my wife tells me that she wouldn't date me if we were both single. I was heartbroken, and I realized I was not dealing with a healthy individual.
This was the same day she received a job offer so she could quit doing the home daycare. Of course it would be a large paycut, but she was going to go back to school. There is one constant in our marriage, I am the responsible adult. There was no way to have an adult discussion about this emotional blackeye and she went to bed that night and slept like a baby while I stayed up and fumed.
I realized as I sat in the dark that night that there never was a relationship where I was loved by her. I projected my needieness to the situation and got just scraps. Three years later, the slap to the face still stings as I try to keep it together for the kids sake. The weak grip I have is starting to let go.