Start of my midlife crisis

It all started about 4 years ago when I went through my workplace and decided to terminate a couple of long term employees in supervisory positions that were a drag on my operation. After I noticed improvement in my operations I decided to tackle a 4000lb gorilla in my personal life, getting my family out of the opressive evangelical church we were attending. I had no idea what a struggle this would be and how deep I would have to dig to win this battle.

Over the last fewereyears we were at this church a pastoral change was made and the theology became more Calvinist all of a sudden. It made me angry enough to go back in time to past hurt in my youth group days and cause me to go into a period of agnosticism that lasted for well over a year. It was a dark time in my life where I rejected the evangelicalism I had endured for 30 years of my life and realized no belief was healthier than faking it at the church I grew up in.

During this period, I bought the mustang midlife crisis car and started reading all I could get my hands on in the subjects of philosphy, theology, psychology, sociology and history. I even went to the pastors at my old church and was honest with them about my doubts (which is the equivalent of career suicide) and they did a Doubting Thomas class to try to convince me with the same tired apologetics I have heard time and again over the years.

I think the toughest part was for my wife, as she was very involved at the church and positioned herself to be fairly influential through working in childcare for 10 years. in evangelical circles those of us who arent rich can be a part of the volunteer slave class and get some sense of community there. This allows the rich folks escape their children so they can attend a self serving Beth Moore bible study that affirms their materialism and beliefs that the post easter Jesus is Santa Claus. To get back on track my wife was having none of my arguement to drop out of church and become "nones" and she didnt want to attend church without me either. We were at a stalemate and I read books on my blackberry when we actually went to service. Looking back she wasn't happy ther either and we usually volunteered in the nursery while our kids went to youth group and left after that.

I will go into more detail in future posts and include a list of some of the books I read. I will also talk about where I am today as well.